Wazooka
Okay, I just made a literary blunder, and it was with Aflac's mom of all people. Actually, that might have been a good thing, as she finds many of my antics funny anyway. Nonetheless, I am currently blushing up a storm.
See, I was describing to her this wonderful pond around the corner from us where swimming is a must. A few emails later and I said something along the lines of getting her down here for a "wazoo in the water." What I /meant/ was ROMP in the water, but I was seeking a funny nonsense word that started with "wa" so it would sound cuter than romp. I was tickled by it at first until I was signing my name to the email and clicking send. Then I remembered my tendency to use verbiage that actually makes sense when I didn't mean for it to. You know, you're typing something and use a word you don't really know you know, only to look it up whilst scratching your head and discovering that lo and behold, you used it perfectly. Must have read it somewhere, you think, and then thank the muses that they have blessed you with a good working knowledge of your own native language.
WELL... off to dictionary.com I went. No head scratching this time. I was pretty certain it was NOT a word anyway, and with my grip on the language, surely I could never have used this word in the wrong, right? Wrong. I almost lost control of MY wazoo. It apparently is a slang word for "anus." ANUS!! I just told my boyfriend's mom that we had to get her down here for an anus in the water!! EGADS remind me to check things like this out in the dictionary BEFORE I click send... I wrote back apologizing, she may not even know that word (she does now I bet) but nonetheless, am I embarassed...
Anywho, a less sensitive subject is the pond I told her about. It's AWESOME!!!!! I went swimming in it yesterday. It's warm, cold, warm, cold, warm, cold, and warm. Aflac and I go there now and then to watch the ducks and bugs and stuff, but this is the first time I swam in it. Spring-fed, quiet, gorgeous, warm (and cold) waters... rough but sandy bottom, and I got to just neck-level before I could see pond plants. Just My Size!! lol Stayed out there about two hours, and I saw... FISH!! Maybe four inches long. No idea what kind, someone said bass but if they were they were small bass. They're very tame and unafraid of humans unless you're moving right in their midst. So I "stood" on my knees and put my arms out in a circle so the water wouldn't be disturbed inside it and thus I could see straight to the bottom. The fishies crowded around me, looking at me. I said, "Hi, you cute fuzzy little fishies," and smiled at them as they came closer, closer, inching towards me until they were within two inches from my bare legs. Then one came right up to me and sucked a bubble off me. It tickled and I laughed. Then another did the same thing, and another. I was like, "Gah, I'm being eaten by fishies!! Help, help, oh the horror, they're so terrifying," but kept laughing (it really tickled). Then I felt a nip at my bathing suit, followed by a rather strong tug. I looked over and a bigger version of the fishies had grabbed my suit and tried to take it with him. He pulled away and didn't hurt me, but I chased him around the pond until I touched one of his fins. Then he looked at me like, "Hey!! No touchy the fishie!!" And I scowled back, "Yeah? Then no touchy the suity!!" Then I went back to swimming with the fishies and we were all happy.
At least I was. I don't know if they were or not. They were cute, but maybe they were really trying to tell me to get my wazoo out of their pool. Who knows.
I don't know how that word got to be a vulgar slang word, I think it's cute.
Anywho, I've got Pepsi and critters here, and methinks it's time to enjoy them. :)
~nv
See, I was describing to her this wonderful pond around the corner from us where swimming is a must. A few emails later and I said something along the lines of getting her down here for a "wazoo in the water." What I /meant/ was ROMP in the water, but I was seeking a funny nonsense word that started with "wa" so it would sound cuter than romp. I was tickled by it at first until I was signing my name to the email and clicking send. Then I remembered my tendency to use verbiage that actually makes sense when I didn't mean for it to. You know, you're typing something and use a word you don't really know you know, only to look it up whilst scratching your head and discovering that lo and behold, you used it perfectly. Must have read it somewhere, you think, and then thank the muses that they have blessed you with a good working knowledge of your own native language.
WELL... off to dictionary.com I went. No head scratching this time. I was pretty certain it was NOT a word anyway, and with my grip on the language, surely I could never have used this word in the wrong, right? Wrong. I almost lost control of MY wazoo. It apparently is a slang word for "anus." ANUS!! I just told my boyfriend's mom that we had to get her down here for an anus in the water!! EGADS remind me to check things like this out in the dictionary BEFORE I click send... I wrote back apologizing, she may not even know that word (she does now I bet) but nonetheless, am I embarassed...
Anywho, a less sensitive subject is the pond I told her about. It's AWESOME!!!!! I went swimming in it yesterday. It's warm, cold, warm, cold, warm, cold, and warm. Aflac and I go there now and then to watch the ducks and bugs and stuff, but this is the first time I swam in it. Spring-fed, quiet, gorgeous, warm (and cold) waters... rough but sandy bottom, and I got to just neck-level before I could see pond plants. Just My Size!! lol Stayed out there about two hours, and I saw... FISH!! Maybe four inches long. No idea what kind, someone said bass but if they were they were small bass. They're very tame and unafraid of humans unless you're moving right in their midst. So I "stood" on my knees and put my arms out in a circle so the water wouldn't be disturbed inside it and thus I could see straight to the bottom. The fishies crowded around me, looking at me. I said, "Hi, you cute fuzzy little fishies," and smiled at them as they came closer, closer, inching towards me until they were within two inches from my bare legs. Then one came right up to me and sucked a bubble off me. It tickled and I laughed. Then another did the same thing, and another. I was like, "Gah, I'm being eaten by fishies!! Help, help, oh the horror, they're so terrifying," but kept laughing (it really tickled). Then I felt a nip at my bathing suit, followed by a rather strong tug. I looked over and a bigger version of the fishies had grabbed my suit and tried to take it with him. He pulled away and didn't hurt me, but I chased him around the pond until I touched one of his fins. Then he looked at me like, "Hey!! No touchy the fishie!!" And I scowled back, "Yeah? Then no touchy the suity!!" Then I went back to swimming with the fishies and we were all happy.
At least I was. I don't know if they were or not. They were cute, but maybe they were really trying to tell me to get my wazoo out of their pool. Who knows.
I don't know how that word got to be a vulgar slang word, I think it's cute.
Anywho, I've got Pepsi and critters here, and methinks it's time to enjoy them. :)
~nv
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