You take the wind out of my sails!

Earlier today I was discussing bland yet important lifestuffs with a friend. This one mainly concerned someone whom I've known all my life: Mom.

I was telling her how Mom used to get so upset with me for not agreeing with her, as if I was disagreeing on purpose just to cause her to "not have any fun." In fact she even said that many times herself, so it's not like I'm assuming anything there. Well, it was the alternative way that Mom would say that which just got me into an interesting - and rather comical - conversation.

Mom's alternative way of saying "You don't give me any fun" was "You take the wind out of my sails." I quipped to my friend, "As if I have anything to do with how much wind she passes." Which of course caused a little bit of laughter on both sides. But that's when I began thinking of how Mom has this habit of belching and I've never been able to belch, so I fart instead. I know, disgusting bathroom talk, but how many people don't do either? Come on, be honest - it's a part of life. We all do these things. We can't help it. We're human and so we digest stuff. (As is evidenced by this blog, lol.)

I then proposed a hypothesis which I quickly disproved and then reproved and then disproved only to reprove again and in actuality, it's really just a weird sort of fallacy that took root in a really eccentric and eclectic geekchick's mind, but it's funny nonetheless. Here goes:

"One might say that since she belches and I'm more of a farter, she should be going forward and I should be going backward. No, wait. Hm. Interesting. I actually proved a theory to myself without having to turn it around. I was gonna say that her rear was facing forward and I was watching the wake behind me so thus we're the opposite of what we should be, but then it dawned on me... Blowing wind out one's mouth into one's sails WOULD drive you backward. And farting into one's sails would drive you forward. So my hypothesis now is that farting is better than belching. No, wait. Actually, both would drive you forward."

[Note that I began really thinking about it at this point, which is perhaps the scariest part of the whole thing. The second scariest thing is that my friend was participating: "Nah, belching would be backwards. If you belch hard enough your head goes backwards.. you jump backwards." See? I'm not the only nutcase around here!! *ducks* Anywho, I continued...]

"Unless you turned your head. As you were belching. Because, if the sail is in front of you and you belch, then you're still going forward. Yeah, see? I was right the first time. Farting would drive the sail backwards. Yeah, so what happened was Mom somehow got herself turned around and now she's still going forward per se but in the wrong direction. Me, on the other hand, I WAS going in that direction, but I somehow turned around as well and now even though I appear to be going backwards when I fart, I'm actually going in the right direction. Whoa, profound."

My friend then noted, "Lot of thinking regarding natural body functions."

My response?

"Uh, yeah. I think that's Mom's fault."

Actually, I think it's the Spaghettios I had for breakfast. I'm feeling gassy all of a sudden...