20091224

music

It just dawned on me...

If people with APD have trouble hearing pitch and other musical
nuances (even going so far as to NOT APPRECIATE music because it's not
processed well in the first place!) then...

WHAT AM I MISSING?!

I get a heck of a lot out of music, I really do... a lot more than
many people do. Is it that I'm so far improved that I'm aware of so
much? Or am I still missing important pieces, even when I'm fully
alert and listening in otherwise complete silence?

I was just listening to Gravity by Vienna Teng and realized that MANY
of the words she sings have no similarity to the words I know she's
singing. I always felt she sang fairly clearly, but... at the current
volume, with me feeling sleepy, it's darned near impossible for me to
hear /exactly/ what she's singing.

"hayla, is that the name you're meant to have, for me to call, the
lookeylah, we've given up believin', we've turned aside our stories of
our gentle fog/fawd/fawn"

There are a /lot/ of things there that I'd have misheard were it not
for context and printed lyrics, which I distinctly recall reading
several times, memorizing. I can still picture the words as she
sings, as if I'm following along.

"So don't turn away now, I am turning in revolution, these are the
scars that silence called on me... This is the sayin' place, no not
the saying place, this is the sayin' place no, no not the saying place
we've been before, hayla, I am a constant satellite of your blazing
sun/son/song, milo, I ill be your law of gravity..."

yeah, okay, but I /am/ tired. Still, if I can easily tell what I
"hear" despite knowing what she is "singing" then what am I missing
due to NOT knowing ahead of time?

~whimpering me~

CAPD version 18763

Yep, back on this subject...

--- from http://www.ldonline.org/article/6390#anchor528829 :

Phonological awareness

Phonological awareness is the understanding that language is made
up of individual sounds (phonemes) which are put together to form the
words we write and speak. This is a fundamental precursor to reading.
Children who have difficulty with phonological awareness will often be
unable to recognize or isolate the individual sounds in a word,
recognize similarities between words (as in rhyming words), or be able
to identify the number of sounds in a word. These deficits can affect
all areas of language including reading, writing, and understanding of
spoken language.

Though phonological awareness develops naturally in most
children, the necessary knowledge and skills can be taught through
direct instruction for those who have difficulty in this area.
---

My comments:
Unless visual abilities are pronounced and can compensate for the
Auditory Processing deficits. I /know/ this, because of the memory I
have of my mother reading to me when I was a child. Seeing her finger
sliding across the page, pointing at the squiggly lines and the
pictures, the mild change in tone of voice... I had no bloody clue
what her voice was doing other than indicating a change, some sort of
accentuation. But somehow I figured out that the squiggles were
symbolic of the pictures, and I learned to read.

The reason I know that I learned the words separately from the sounds
at first is because I've read many, many words which I hear much later
in life and go, "How do you spell that?" When it's spelled, I
immediately recognize it and understand its meaning from past written
contexts. The second reason is less certain, but still pretty darned
certain. That would be the lack of sound in my head as I read and
write. Sometimes I do hear soft whispers nowdays, but in the past it
was always silence or pictures. Mostly it was a dark void, two-
dimensional, as if the pictures needn't exist along with the concepts.

Query #1: Did I see auras so prominently as a child because of the
APD? I don't see them as frequently now, and I also have less trouble
understanding people than I used to.

Query #2: Why haven't I seen more connexions between APD relief and
musical studies?

Anywho, just some ponderings.

~me

20091213

sensory overload

An email I just wrote a friend. I enjoyed writing it because of the
images that floated through my head as my fingers moved across the
keyboard, and realized that perhaps I'm in one of _those_ moods. So,
I'll share this tidbit.

--- Regarding a teapot and teacup that was gifted to me a few years
ago: ---

You know, I realize this was a years-ago gift at this point, but it's
one I still appreciate just about every day. The cup is just the
right size, perfect colour, and perfectly balanced in its weight. The
pot I find to be of similar design as far as weight and colour, and
it's an excellent spot to store tea while I drink my first cup or
two. It's also good for guests when everyone's good with one kind and
strength of tea. (I have come to find the great majority of our
guests do not deviate from bagged teas anyway, so this point is hardly
ever an issue anyway, and my mother-in-law, who loves Ceylon Sonata as
much as I do, thinks my brew perfect for her taste.)

Note that I tend to use the teapot mostly in conjunction with the
Ingenuitea infuser that Dale got me... i.e., I use the teapot more as
a decanter than for brewing; the brewing is left to the infuser, which
is truly ingenious in its design.

The reason this gratitude has snuck in so strongly this morning is
because I've been browsing other teawares while sipping a third round
of Da Hong Pao from the little teacup. On and off I've tried to find
something that's exactly what I might want, and I cannot find anything
nicer than what I have. I have found some pots with infusers, and
cups with infusers - nice ideas, admittedly - but they're either too
large or I don't like the style/colour. I like the simplicity
inherent in what I've got, and the colour is exactly right. Probably
the closest I've got to proximity would be the Bodum pots with the
infusers. But even those somehow lack the grace the green one exhibits.

So, once more, thanks for such an awesome gift. The only reason I
continue to poke around, I think, is because I want to find just the
right thing for work. Alas, I simply don't see this happening anytime
soon. There's simply something to be said for a warm pot of tea
sitting on the table waiting to refill the cup, and the more I think
about it, the more I realize that I am seeking an impossible
collaboration of convenience and sensory fulfillment.

Funny thing, as I get older, I tend to appreciate warmth and
simplicity over streamlined chaos. This, even though my habit of
overlooking chaos has yet to diminish thoroughly enough to put things
away in a more timely manner. Right now my desk is full of braille
books, gadgets, and little slips of paper, and it is bugging the
absolute CRAP out of me because there, amidst the clutter, sits the
perfect cup of tea, lost in the insanity of my self-fulfilling life.
Its neighbours at the moment consist of a mouse from last night's
gaming, two bottles of ink, netflix rentals, a camera, my work badge,
a crumpled-up dollar bill, a half-eaten chocolate bar (which I'm
surprised has not attracted cat fur yet), an earring, two pens, cookie
cutters, parchment, and the aforementioned items. Gah. This is only
a few days' worth of clutter, mind you. At least I now clear my desk
twice a week, which is more than I could say for the me from a year ago.

--- end of email ---

poached eggs

Speaking of heaven, I just consumed the best breakfast I have had in a
very long time.

A second infusion of Da Hong Pao tea, a PERFECT poached egg (I've
finally got it, I reckon!!), two slices of moderately buttered toast,
and a clementine.

I don't know what a "good" poached egg is "supposed" to be like, but I
do know that after at least a dozen attempts at them and a few video-
watchings online, I created the best one I've made yet. I have
learned that you heat the water so there's steam and little bubbles at
the bottom of the pot. It needs about two to three inches of water in
a pot large enough to comfortably swirl water in. You add 2 teaspoons
of vinegar (or thereabouts). Then you stir the water so it's very
swirly, and before it slows too much, you drop in the egg. The
vinegar supposedly helps to keep the white from drifting into bits and
the swirling motion wraps it around itself, helping to keep it
together in a neat little package. I then turn the heat down below
halfway and move the pot so the egg's resting spot is not directly
over the burner. This keeps the water hot without searing the egg to
the bottom of the pot, you see. I figured that one out myself after
ripping the thing apart so the yolk flowed - against my will - into
the water rather than onto my toast.

Oh, and then... you let it sit there for ten minutes, or to desired
consistency. Ten minutes seems to be perfect for me.

Last time I did this, it was pretty good. Today, however, I added two
final steps: Once the egg was done, I dumped it into a bowl of ice
water and made my toast. When the toast was ready, I dumped the bowl
of ice water (and egg) into the hot water to re-heat the egg.

Supposedly, the ice water "sets" the egg so it's easier to handle.
Restaurants apparently do this so they have eggs on hand when they're
ordered. It's easy for them to re-heat the eggs. I think this
setting action MADE my eggs perfect this morning. Mmm MMMMM!!

OH and I'll tell you, Da Hong Pao is AWESOME...

20091212

kitty cat cut

Dale was shooting a video of Kitty playing with a catnip toy and I
tried to help by getting her to face his way. In doing so, I
inadvertently put my thumb in harm's way and Kitty snagged a ragged
half-inch gash in its fleshy, sensitive little pad. Right in the
center. OW! I exclaimed, pulling it back (which likely caused the
majority of the tear).

I feel _very_ bad for mice and moles. They don't have stuff like
Neosporin and bandaids, nor are they big enough to clobber their
attacker should it be a-purpose. In this situation it was obviously
not a-purpose. Kitty was merely playing and didn't mean it, but
nonetheless I will admit that as I nursed by throbbing thumb I did
cast several dirty looks in her general direction.

~nv

20091209

Poem: Black Eternal

BLACK ETERNAL
2009120822 c2009 WLC

I sit surrounded by love
Love sits, too, around the corner
Music fills this tiny room
This tiny room I call my mind

If I think hard, I still remember
The sweet escape within the ink
These days the joy just wants to hide
Afraid of being left behind

But now and then, the fancy strikes
I see the Braille, my paints, and then
The stack of paper, a dipping pen
Somehow calls the Muse again

I feel the bumps beneath my fingers
Sense the feeling in the paint
See the softly glowing pages
Alive with thoughts borne in my den

There they are, dancing here, across the page
Gently sculpted in Black Eternal
Perhaps the pages dry and crumble
Or make their way through Time Immortal

Like my love for you.

Poem: Ode To The Corner Store

ODE TO THE CORNER STORE
2009120821 c2009 WLC

I love the corner store
For now and eve more
We live just down the street
And walk there in the heat
We've gone there in the snow
And baby, don't you know
We love the corner store

One night I wanted sour cream
I could have thought it but a dream
But with a skip and jump and hop
I wandered up to the historic shop
Where the sign hangs proudly in the back
Some people never seem to lack
The Spirit of the American Dream

It may rain, and it can pour
But we'll be walking through that door
To by some eggs or milk or meat
Or potato chips to eat
From our house, just one stone's throw
And fellow shoppers, don't you know
We love our corner store!

20091205

honey/vinegar

I'm reading a somewhat older Vermont Folk Medicine book (I think it's
early to mid 1900's). One of the things it mentioned was a concoction
I'm quite familiar with, but with water added. I never thought to mix
it with water.

2 tablespoons each of apple cider vinegar and honey [typically I hear
"raw" honey but it can be difficult to come by]
Mix this in a glass of water and drink it, with or without meals. In
the book, it was said that some people drink it at all three meals.
I've also read that it's excellent when drunk chilled on a hot day,
sort of like lemonade.

The one caveat the book has not mentioned to my point in the reading
is that vinegar can be bad for teeth. I read online somewhere that to
minimize the possibility of damaging teeth, you can rinse your mouth
with water afterward. I'd think this is good practice anyway to
dislodge food particles if you're like me and don't like to brush
right after a meal (which to me ruins the fun of eating). If I
remember right, the acid in the vinegar reacts with the calcium in the
enamel of the tooth, and weakens it. It makes sense to me because if
you put vinegar on marble (which is also heavily infused with
calcium), it can eat through the stuff and at the very least, make a
horrible scar on it.

I don't tend to hold 100% stock in folk medicine, but I think that
before the doctors of today, people were generally more instinctive
and likely had a LOT of household remedies that did help with many
things. (I don't believe our current science is the ONLY science or
that it's infallible, either.) Additionally, many of /their/ ills
were likely due to both lack of medical/scientific understanding and
nutrition. Today, we don't suffer from many of their problems such as
plague, measles, scurvy, etc, but I think by and large our populace
has forgotten many of its collectively learned remedies. Over the
years I've found that some remedies /seem/ to work, and at the very
least, they don't hurt to try. So, when I woke up with a sore throat
shortly before our Thanksgiving weekend a couple weeks ago, I went all
out on the remedies I had tried in the past. I didn't get sick after
all. Maybe I wouldn't have. But I do know that the honey and vinegar
trick has saved me from sore throats several times, so while I don't
believe in everything I read or hear, I do tend to think those two
items indeed have value. I have strong faith in Garlic, as well.
Particularly raw.

One thing I find interesting about the book is that it mentions how
before the age of 25, the human body tends to require far different
nutrients than it does later, because before 25, the human body is
still building its systems. After that, it merely needs to maintain
them. From my own experience, I think the body goes through many
stages of requirements. As a child, I was very finicky, as my mother
could tell you. At first I ate everything she gave me, then I went
through a year or so of eating little to nothing (yet I was growing at
a good clip). At one point I would eat meat as if there were no
tomorrow, then abruptly, I wouldn't touch the stuff for years, or,
very little of it, and it had to be just right or it sat on the
plate. When I moved out on my own, I often tried eating hot dogs, but
it never seemed right to me somehow and now I have trouble eating
those, too, if not just the right kind and cooked just right. I got
into a junk food phase and then in my mid-twenties, I craved steak and
potatoes by spurts, which continued for a few years. Interspersed
with that was a need for fish, chicken, and rice with lots of frozen
veggies mixed in. (This is how many of my rice dishes were born.)
Then I met Dale and we discovered Indian food, and now I'm getting
more into tomatoes to a small extent, and I love the medleys of
spices. Thai has crept in there. I love variety. Lately it's been
Wendy's burgers and at home, rice, eggs, frozen veggies... the rice
dishes continue to draw my appetite.

So, tastes do change drastically over the years of one's life, it
seems. My mother admitted this to me herself but she tends to stick
with what she knows and is limited in her ventures out of fear for the
unknown. Me, I don't mind sitting on the toilet for a couple of days
if it means I have found a new spice to love. Granted, Mother was
right when she told me I have in the past tended to overindulge in
newly discovered foods. The curried rice when I was in my teens is a
very well-known example. I wasn't kidding about two days on the toilet.

Oh, and tea - I LOVE that stuff. I have noticed a few things,
though. First, I tend to drink the oolongs and blacks far more than
the greens, and most of the time they're all laden with caffeine.
Generally I do not touch decaf anything unless it's naturally lacking
the stuff. BUT. Despite all supposed health benefits from drinking
tea, it is one of those things that should be combined with lots of
water. The stuff is a major diuretic. Here are some things I've
noticed most when I get into my tea phases: My face turns kind of
ashen, like the blood refuses to rise to the surface, or there isn't
enough water in it. I pee a lot more and sometimes my sides have very
minor aches in them, as if my kidneys are working far harder than they
should be. I get headaches, as I just discovered. And finally, I
feel very dry - my skin, especially, but also some sort of inner sense
that fluid is lacking. If I limit myself to a small cup per day, I
don't notice these things quite as much, but more than that and
inevitably I see the signs.

EGGS! I love eggs. One or two eggs in the morning, with a small cup
of tea, a slice of toast, and a small bit of corn mush... this seems
to make me very alert until lunch. Tea alone is energizing but it's
more of a high than it is an overall sense of purpose. "They" are
right about breakfast - people do better when they have it. And I've
found that even at early hours, I can take an egg most of the time.
Speaking of which, even the folk medicine book mentions those
things... they have everything needed to build a chicken, so they're
powerhouses of nutrition.

Anywho, I don't know where I was going with all this. Perhaps I'm
just finger-blabbing. LOL I think that if it were not this day and
age of computers, I would likely have learned everything there is to
know about plants through much experimentation and note-taking.
Perhaps one of those medicine peoples, as it were.

~w